Jul. 9th, 2013 @ 10:52 am
Has it really been five years?|
It didn't start out as a good birthday.
Birthday club at work forgot my birthday, Brett Favre was starting to cause drama, and I hadn't heard from my mother or my ex.
I have a love/hate relationship with my birthday. It comes from my need for things that should be happy to be happy, my desire for perfection. But 2008 was extreme. First birthday in Cincinnati, single, lonely. Coming off recently making a rather large mistake that cost me a couple of friends, and feeling pretty lost in life, I wasn't in the biggest mood for celebrating.
But I wanted to eat Italian food and drink cosmos. My friend, Jax tried to get a big group of people together for it, and I recoiled. 1. because I don't find people who complain about gay people to be fun to be around and 2. because I don't do well in crowds or under pressure. Mostly I wanted to stay at home and cry, "I'm 26 and will be alone and fucking things up forever!"
But I didn't. We went out after work, a very pregnant Alli joined me. Dinner was fine, fun. And I did have good friends. But I was sad. So I stood in the parking lot, trying to will my phone to ring. It didn't. So I made a choice. I wasn't going home at 8 to sit by myself. I was going out.
I met Jenn, Gregg and Brad at Eli's. Drinking having a good time and someone said, "where's Brian?" I wish I could remember who first asked. Someone then said, I'll text him but he won't come. And it happened. I thought, "I'll text, and he'll come."
Jenn had been trying to get Brian and I together for a while. I resisted. I was having fun. Drinking miller lites and having random adventures. And my heart was still broken. My last relationship had taken its toll. I believed, even though I had sworn off love years prior. I opened myself up, moved across country, only to find out a couple months later, this wasn't for him. No hard feelings now, but it sucked learning that the big risk of falling in love that I was willing to take, someone else wasn't.
So I promised myself, never again. I wasn't going to be stupid. I wasn't going to be blind. I wasn't going to take a chance. So when Jenn told me about this 31 year old stock broker who drove a Lexus, I really didn't care.
He'd text, I would go on adventures. I would see him out when we were all together, and I didn't stick around. It just wasn't for me. Not that he wasn't for me, caring about someone wasn't.
So I ducked and dodged. But toward the end of June, post my monster mistake, we started texting. Not anything interesting, just random crap. I went to a Crew came with Jenn and friends and Brian didn't come, so we all spent the night texting him and bugging him.
The day after the crew game, I had lunch with the ex. Something we did every now and then in our attempt to stay friends and my attempt to not fully lose every thing.
Lunch was not fun. It was forced. And I wanted to go back to the night before when I was having fun. So as I drove home that day, I texted Brian, a simple hey, thanks for letting us mess with you last night kind of thing. He responded with "no problem J." Katey always called me J. I started to think maybe Brian wasn't so bad after all.
Flash forward to my birthday. Sitting at Eli's on a Wednesday night. I invited Brian to my birthday. And I knew he would come.
The rest is history.
I described the evening in my livejournal the next day with, "sometimes the moments that you quickly plan out in you head are pretty fantastic."
Pretty fantastic indeed.
I've found since devoting myself to writing about the Packers and since becoming involved in a major relationship and working a real grown up job, my personal writing has fallen by the way side. |
I try to write here. And then months/years pass.
I tried to write a blog about planning our wedding; pretty sure my last post was about choosing my wedding party.
I even let my soccer/USC writing fall away as I became deeper involved in writing for something else, and focusing on actually living my life.
When I was single, I had adventures to write about. Driving across country, taking days off of work to go boating. Happy hours and long nights that turned into morning. There was a lot to tell. Plus they were fun stories to tell.
Tomorrow marks five years since SB and I started dating. And that's pretty much the time at which my writing productivity took a nose dive. Mostly because I don't like blogs that are solely about being in a relationship. And because life got more "regular" and I got older. And I got twitter brain. If I can't say it briefly and put in only a minute of effort, really what's the point?
But more than that I found it extremely difficult to be honest about my life and relationship. For as much as I share online and with people, in general I don't like to air dirty laundry online. I also don't like to only post the good stuff. The over the top lovey dovey, aren't you just so jealous of me stuff. And if you don't air the dirty stuff, all you have left is fluff.
Which brings me to today. Life is not fluff.
I'm a lucky lady. I have good friends. Great friends. My wedding showed me that. The joy and warmth of knowing people care for you. That's one of the best bonuses to going through this whole wedding process.
I have a house, a job, a family, a hobby which I'm relatively good at, respect, pets, and I've lost weight. Things aren't awful.
I also have a husband. Who is my best friend. And who has shown me more in the last five days how much he is committed to me and how much he loves me than anyone ever has.
But at the same time, if I said everything right now smelled like roses, I'd be lying. At times they've been down right crappy. I've stayed up nights, crying on the bedroom floor, completely confused why life has to be so hard. And why people can be so fucked up.
But in the end it's all a growing process. It's hard to separate yourself from someone else's growing process. And I think those are the times when I get the most hurt. And I definitely have a hard time letting go of those let downs.
The pressure right now, to smile and say that life is 100% rosy, is also getting to me. The wedding, the holiday, the birthdays, it's such a fucking joyous time - or supposed to be, and mostly I'd like to sit in bed.
People ask you, has anything changed since getting married. I answer "yes, He's nicer." Which isn't a lie. But it isn't the whole truth. SB grew the day of the wedding. And I can see the change. No one ever told me about this. I changed slowly, as the wedding got closer, as our years together came and went, as we moved in together and bought our house, and we got new pets. Nearly every day, I was growing - or trying to - into someone who's fully committed their life to someone else.
It didn't happen this way for SB. And for the sake of his own privacy, I'm saving the details of it for myself. No one prepared me for the fact that it could be different. And it hurt. It hurt that I felt "in front", "ahead". Did he not love me as much as I loved him? Is he still behind me in the process?
And things would go wrong. And I'd take them as signs. And things would go right, and they would never mean as much to me as the things that went wrong. So I'm scared.
Part of my fear is completely justified. Shit happened. And its freaking terrifying to give 100% of yourself to someone else, forever. Fear. That's how you know it's real.
But part of my fear is completely self indulgent and self involved. From past relationships, familial, friendships, loves. Part of my fear is completely in my head from my fear of letting go.
So I'm sitting here. Despite all the goodness around me, feeling rather empty. Devoid of the ability to find happiness in things. Which sounds completely bleak and sad. I'm not at the bottom of a pit, I just need to fill this hole. Years ago, younger, more dramatic (which, if you're reading this, you're probably wondering how can someone who says they're devoid of joy be any more dramatic), I wouldn't be out actively trying to fill that void.
And that's the change in me. The change in SB. The change in my life. The change in my friendships and work relationships. The change in responsibilities and the change in growing up.
And that's the real difference between our relationship pre and post wedding. Moving forward together. Moving. Forward.
Jan. 16th, 2013 @ 11:06 am
I spent a really big part of my life feeling like I had to earn love. That's why it felt so foreign to me when I'd meet the families of my friends and significant others. Wait, you can be mad at each other and still love each other? What you mean love isn't determined by how often you call or what you wear to dinner? You mean, you don't judge children for being kids? |
I spent a long time feeling out of place and uncomfortable around such stability. I'd retract. Sure, I might be welcome now, but just you wait, you'll get to know me and you'll change your mind. I won't be perfect; I'll be awkward and shy. And you'll see, loving me, liking me, that was your mistake.
It took a lot of work to start to feel comfortable. To start accepting that if I was cranky one day, people who love you don't leave. Family doesn't run just because you couldn't come over to watch a movie. But I'm still not very good at it.
I make SB tell me he loves me about a million times a day. I get scared at every fight, every failing on my part. Love goes away. People don't stay.
I think I'm much better than I used to be. I know SB isn't leaving tomorrow, and I know I'm always welcomed in his family's home. I know I can be honest with friends, and they can tell me if they need more from me, and while it might take some days to sink in, I know it only makes us stronger.
So when someone can't love me. When someone, even if its just due to their own limitations or issues, when someone slinks away. I'm hurt. And it starts the spiral of moving backwards, of feeling unworthy. The brain and emotions work in mysterious ways, how one thing can dredge up so many others.
So I'm spending today, mostly just staring into space. I should have taken a personal day.
Jan. 20th, 2012 @ 06:10 pm
it hurts more when you love more|
Jan. 20th, 2012 @ 03:47 pm
I slept in the guest bedroom last night. My lungs hurt too much to not toss and turn and Sb's snoring and propensity for sleeping in the middle of the bed was just not working. Clay joined me. And layed down flat under the covers in the nook of my arm and made the Shrek cat eyes face. |
I got home from work at 4:30, because I'm to the point of being sick that I simply don't care if I leave 15 minutes early. And I don't care if someone notices. I was sound asleep by 4:45. SB called five times in an hour to let me know that he was going to a bar for Wisemen's birthday. I nodded. And set an alarm for thirty minutes before I was set to go on air for the episode of Cheesehead Radio that I had been dreading. I woke up fifteen minutes to a message from a co-host, "hey, you on the show tonight?" Oops. I didn't want to be awake. I wanted to sink back into the warm hole that was my bed. My sickly worn in sheets that have been my home for weeks. I wanted nothing to do with talking to people who would be more awake than I was, more alive than I was, more everything than I was. But double lung infections had already cost me too much. I'm a shell of who I am, or at least of who I want to be. Someday I'll be someone important with thoughts and passion and the desire to leave my hole. Someday I'll have color in my cheeks and the ability to talk for a minute without being out of breathe. Someday perhaps I'll have knowledge and be appreciated. Someday everything that I feel like I've worked so hard for in the past year and a half won't feel like its slipping away.
So I reached for a Packers hoodie, and recorded my line for the opening script, "and look forward to the future." I doubt I've said anything more forced in my entire life. Look forward to the future. I wanted sleep. I wanted to continue to live in my bubble where the Packers didn't lose, football simply just stopped, and 4 months from non I will burst the bubble and all teams will be equal again. Like most shows recently, I faked the first hour perfectly. Not in an awful, I hate this way, just in a "my voice really doesn't sound this happy" way. And then of course somewhere in the second hour I begin to slink, legs uncurl and I'm once again happy with my head on one of my 8 pillows, and I just sit and listen.
I'm on an island. I don't go out and see people; I'm the walking infection that will destroy you with my coughing and sneezing and breathing. I'm the one that is fed up with over reactions. Are people really this upset or just bored? Sometimes its hard to tell.
I am excited though. Which might be hard to see. I always had trouble sleeping. Would sit up late doing stupid things until my eyes couldn't take it anymore and carried me off to sleep. For months on end back in MKE, I would rarely sleep in my bed, as I generally just passed out on the couch. When I got sick, all I could do was sleep. And for all the doctors that stared at me like I was crazy, for all the "maybe you're just depressed" questions, I knew there had to be some reason. I've been staying awake again. Sometimes its the coughing. Sometimes its just because I feel like watching another video on youtube. I take this as a good sign. Along with my ability to get through the work day without a nap, I'm assuming that things can only go up from here.
I had a dream last night that I was moving to Dallas. And there were spiders on the wall behind my dresser. And I had to take a shower, but all my clothes were packed and someone told me that my name was stupid. So there's that....
Oct. 26th, 2011 @ 12:21 pm
I officially hate my body. |
I spent months feeling depressed, fat, and exhausted so when I was finally diagnosed with hypothyroidism, I was almost relieved. Finally an answer. That was last May. I have been on some form of Levo/synthyroid since. Started at the 75 level, then to 88, now at 100. Nothing has helped. I've heard that it can take up to a year to get your levels back to normal, but this is driving me insane.
The cycle, blood work, week or two later I go see the doctor, where he sits and stares at the results because they don't make sense (t4 low, tsh normal), then he says, "let's try this level". 6 weeks later I show up for blood work and we do it all again.
I last had my blood drawn on the 18th, I called yesterday, my results are there but they haven't been read yet. That's comforting.
This last week has been hell. I feel drunk. Or brain fogged. Its an exhaustion that is really hard to explain. My brain is not sharp. I forget what I'm talking about, I forget common words. I fall asleep when I go to the bathroom at work. I came home yesterday at 5, legs shaking, immediately fell asleep, napped for nearly two hours. Fell back asleep at 11, woke up at 7:30, still exhausted. This is fatigue that no amount of sleep or rest can help. Total of nearly 10 hours of sleep yesterday and I still am too tired to focus on my eyes on this computer screen. I've been called lazy. I don't help out as much around the house. I don't show desire as much at work or with Packers stuff. I put on my game face, I "preform" in meetings. And then I lay back down and wish the world would go away.
My head hurts. My arms hurt. I see spots. my nails keep breaking.
I finally have a grasp on the weight, stopped needing bigger sized clothes nearly every month. But it doesn't go down. It won't go down. I've heard stories of people paying top dollar for my thyroid medicine, its "the diet miracle" drug. but still nothing yet.
my heart is racing. I feel like its pounding, like I'm always short of breathe.
This is the first time in the history of my life that I have been excited for the Packers bye week. I get a chance to simply sleep through the weekend. I know SB will want to do things. And Mimi Carmella is in town, but all I want to do is sleep, sleep every day, every hour, I don't care. This is such a foreign feeling for me. I hate not feeling like myself. I feeling like I could stumble and fall over nearly every time I walk anywhere.
And I'm sitting here, waiting for the doctor to call me back so we can continue the dance of trying to find me the right medicine.
is it nap time yet?
Today started off with a man pulling his White Tundra pick up truck over infront of my work, in front of my window, opening the two passenger doors and peeing in the street. There's a gas station less than a minute away. So there's that. What a great way to start my Friday. |
Why do guys do that? Since when is it appropriate to pee whereever and whenever. Man is lucky. I'm the type of person who when they get angry, they get even. Was close to taking a picture of him and his license plate....:)
Last night we had Lori Nickel of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel on our radio show. I went in to Chris Farley mood. I was speachless. As a female, she has always been a role model of mine and then especially after last year with the women reporter and the Jets lockerroom incident, she's been an inspiration. I was able to talk with Tom Crabtree and Jerry Kramer, but when it came to Lori I was completely dumbfounded. Not my most professional moment, but that's why i like our radio show. We're just us, talking Packers.
Charlotte Rose's jaundice is under control, which is definitely good news. Aly posted on FB that they no longer have to do the phototherapy.
At work we have a receptionists desk, but no one works there. So I put a bell out. With a fancy little sign that reads please ring bell for service. A lot of people come in here that don't need help. They know where they're going; there's about 3 companies in the building, I got sick of getting up for everyone. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people stand there and don't ring the bell. I made the sign, ring the damn bell. Its okay. that's what its there for.
Having lunch tomorrow with the ex-garretson team, should be interesting. But hey, its Dewey's pizza and that's always welcome.
Katey is working on her wedding website. She sent me the bio she wrote for me. I teared up reading it, waterproof mascara is going to be needed pretty much daily for the next year. |
I narrowed it down for SB last night. April 13, 2013 or June. May is out cause of my work's fundraiser, can't plan two events at once. Hopefully we will get a date set soon. Doing the house and the wedding at once is a little more than our brain's can handle. We've lived in the house for over a month now and still its bare bones. Went to buy our couch last night. Finally bought it. Ended up with the same one we tried to buy on Saturday. This salesman was better and threw in the blanket. For some reason that was majorly important to SB. The Salesman also sat and shared random Elvis Presley stories with us. We walked out, blanket under SB's arm, he turned to me and said, "what just happened?"
Water softener FINALLY comes today; feel like my hair hasn't been clean since we've moved in. Doing myself a favor and buying new shampoo and new hair dye tonight. Taking this all back.
Last night I was watching intervention. Clay and I curled up on the floor. It was one of those two people epis. the first girl was pretty much like every 24 year old binge drinker I have ever met. Spent the epi texting with Morgan about it. She asked me if the girl's name was Morgan, Jayme or Nikki. I had some good laughs during that one.
I forgot to go get my blood drawn on the 29th. They sent me a letter. They don't call for blood appointments like they do for doctor ones so I totally missed it. Now trying to reschedule. Annoyingly painful long blood test. Re-checking practically every level in my body again. One day my body will be normal again, and maybe it will be one day soon.
I'm boring myself now.
Last night my sister and i were talking about what dates her surgery was on. I was convinced it was on the 13th of August. My dad said it was the 14th. I looked at a calendar (looked at the wrong year) and thought he was right. And then this morning Jess reminded me about this place and how I documented it all. It was the 13th. I remember that week like it was yesterday. I feel like I know every minute of that week. From the sand on the beach when I got the call that she was out of surgery to the strange hexagon shaped pattern in the EMU part of the hospital. |
Either way it got me thinking about this place, and how I really don't write here at all anymore. I don't even think anyone besides my sister knows this place exists anymore. I've taken my writing other places, Packers things, and i suppose I really spend less time in reflection. Years ago, when I started this my entire life was reflection. Sad and waiting, wanting to figure things out, to get things back on track. I was so lost. I am less lost now. For so many reasons. Through new jobs, personal growth, solid relationships, therapy, and having gone through all the experiences i did when I was lost.
As I was typing that, my mind began to wonder, to the list of things that have gone on in the past couple of years that never saw the light of day on this place, and its really funny how incredibly strange and unexpected this journey has been.
So I suppose maybe I do need more reflection places - can't hurt right?
We still haven't set a date for the wedding. Got into a little argument over it yesterday. SB wants to be different. Why can't we get married on a Thursday? My head spins; there's like a million reasons why we can't, the most important being that I don't want to! There's just so much to do and I feel like no matter how much we work we are still standing at the bottom of a hill. The house, the family, the wedding, friends, just so many things.
I'm moderating the game day live blog again this year. I love moderating it. Don't know why. Everyone else seems to hate it. Me, I love it. Its fun to watch the game with other people, to be doing all this. Something I've wanted my whole life. SB doesn't fully get that. He wasn't thrilled about me signing up to do it again. I disappear on those days. Getting him to understand why this is so important to me is a challenge, but I think we made progress on Saturday.
We need a couch for our living room. Right now we're still using the chairs from my grandma's dinette set and its not at all comfortable. We found one that we liked, challenged the sales guy to throw in the blanket. He couldn't so we left. Going back tonight to actually purchase, with a real sales person.
That's about it for now. nothing interesting at all. maybe there will be in a couple of days.
Mar. 3rd, 2011 @ 10:37 am
SB and I are building a HOUSE!!! |
They accepted our offer on Friday. We met with our landscaper on Sunday who suggested we ask them to regrade the back of the lot and all signs point to them accepting that as well.
Scheduling our final appointment at the design center to sign off on the choices for our house. Hopefully they will break ground soon!!! :)
In other news I have started making more makeup videos on my youtube channel. thejaymelee1 check it
Also since getting back from Dallas, I have been hitting the gym even harder. Big things are around the horizon and I'm not looking like this anymore :)
Today a good friend is going into labor!|
This last weekend a friend got engaged.
This month two of my posts at the lounge have received over 100 hits, my boss just got press credentials for the NFC Championship game, and I hosted a live game day chat with about 200 viewers.
I discovered the secret to my recent weight gain - stupid medication - but am going to continue on as medication as made my life millions times better and I love my gym.
I have also finally found a doctor that I like, thanks to SB and his family, who is not afraid to prescribe me nexium and I am finally free from Maalox!
Manchester United is back to the top of the table
and the PACKERS are playing for the right to go to the Super Bowl.
SB and I have been great.
People at work keep checking in to make sure I still love the job as much as I did the first day because I am just that awesome.
And I found a new hair stylist that makes me happy, and she's Australian and I have had many compliments on the 'do.
Live is good.
So last week I was asked to become a writer at The Packers Lounge. Its part of Cheesehead TV, which for a long time has been my favorite Packers blogging site, and was recently writen up in the New York Times. It averages between 100,000 and 300,000 readers a month! I could't be happier. I'm so excited about the way this whole thing is turning out. Check the place out at www.cheeseheadtv.com/lounge|
Also, I'm making a lot of head way at work. Pretty much have all of the admin stuff under control. Been brainstroming about some cool mulit-media life skills classes and what I can do to grow the program. Received two emails from potential volunteers today!
Right now I'm knee deep in spreadsheets, and am trying to get a very un computer savvy person to follow along with me on a google doc. but its all worth it.
Jenn and I are going to see Harry Potter 7, part 1 on Friday! I am so amped!
Also, I have lost two pounds, which I'm sure doesn't seem like a big deal. But, this medicine is making me retain weight like its my job so any loss is amazing.
Kate and the boys are coming into town on Sunday and I can't wait. They're going to be here for a whole week. I really love SB's family. Reminds me a lot of Katey's or Roseanne's in that way that every single person in it is pretty unique, but they all love each other a lot, and love everyone they meet. Since nearly everyone besides us will be out of town for Christmas, we're having a Thanksgiving/Christmas celebration. Should be a lot of fun.
I think everyone should stop by blogtalkradio.com/cheeseheadradio on Thursday. I'm not really sure what CD created, but he sent us all pieces of a script and I'm thinking this weeks intro will be fantastic!
Its amazing sometimes how we end up where we are. the things that fill our daily routines, the people we see, we love, we kiss, the places we go,t he spaces we exist in. i doubt any of us are exactly where who and how we thought we would be 1 year ago, 5 years ago, when we were 5 years old. |
I know spend my time researching packers stats and getting paid for it. And have writers I admire telling me that I have a book in me. And I spend my days in and office wearing cute shoes, and nearly perfect eye shadow helping to make people's lives better. And I come home and "keep house", do laundry and the dishes and plan out meals, and lay next to the same person night in and night out. And my bathroom is filled with Aveda products. And i have an iphone and drive an audi. and I drink the high life more than ML. I have eye cream to fight the wrinkles. And my pants are now sizes larger than I used to be able to count up to. where we gonna go from here.
In the middle of October, I took a new job. My job at the law firm was ending, and even though there was the potential of another marketing position opening up I took a job outside the company. I now work at InRETURN, and I recommend everyone checking it out as I'm very proud of what we do. We employ brain injury survivors, give them real life and work experiences, and really try to improve their lives. I do administrative stuff, billing, etc, but I'm also in charge of volunteer management and growing the life skills section of the company. I'm eager and anxious to start spreading the word of the work we do and the great people that I am getting to know. I am eager to brain storm, to fight, to be challenged. Its very exciting. And my writing has really taken off as well. And while SB and I have our flaws, I can fully say that we are are genuinely us at all moments. and for that I will always be grateful. and tonight, I'm on the radio again. Will be for the next three weeks, and even though we finally beat Favre I've found something to rant about this week.
For the first time in a long time I am competely ready and excited for what will happen next. it will be great.
I simply can not state how amazing things have been lately.
1. SB. He was kind of a wanker for a little while. But I really do have to admit, he is finally really opening up to growing. And I really do feel that he is learning to support me very well in this crazy endevor that I'm now undertaking.
2. Brentfavre.com For those of you who haven't checked it out, or haven't heard, I am a paid writer now. So far I have posted three times, and I love it! I love the support from fellow bloggers, from the management of the blog and from my friends and readers. I can post whenever I want to on whatever I want. No one has editorial say over me, and its a great feeling. I woke up at four in the morning last night and was over come with the desire to write. The words were pouring out of me. I crawled out of bed and wrote my most recent post on SB's laptop. It feels amazing to be able to be creative like that, and have complete control over it.
3. Cheeseheadtv. I am now the moderator for the Cheeseheadtv game day live blog/chat. And I love it. Its pretty chaotic, but a lot of fun. I read through everything and actually learn a lot. It has also helped connect me with some great writers/blogers/reporters whose writing and work I respect very much. Tonight I will be the featured blogger on their weekly web show Packer Transplants.
4. Cheesehead Radio. The person that recommended me for the brentfavre.com gig is one of four people who host a weekly online radio show. She's unable to make this weeks show and asked if I would fill in! HELLS yes! It feels great, like my childhood dream come true to be involved in all these amazing things.
5. Day job. I really do love my job. I love the women that I work with. They are very supportive. And they are also very smart and easy to work with. I feel blessed everyday that I was able to find such a perfect job fit for myself.
So if anyone is bored tonight or Thursday at 9 edt check me out! and try to read my blog posts, which sports related, I'm really proud of the writing.
For years I have been writing. Here at my livejournal blog, in my journals at home and in most recently in my sports journal. Last Friday I was approached by a blog website and asked if I wanted to become a contributing blogger. I am now happy to report that I am getting paid to write about the Green Bay Packers. I wrote my first blog today.
http://bit.ly/cqqsAgAnd I am very proud of. Big ups to Katey who helped me edit, because I am completely incapable of checking my own spelling and grammatical errors.
Went to Stone Creek with Krista for lunch today. They don't have a lot of meat-less options, so I ordered pasta with red sauce and cheese. Apparently someone else in Stone Creek ordered the same thing with Chicken. I got the one with chicken. First bite, huge piece of chicken. I thought something was off, but as Stone Creek is a nicer restaurant I didn't want to spit it out and inspect, so I swallowed, and then dug through my dish. Sure enough, chicken everywhere. I tried to keep eating the pasta avoiding the chicken, but everything tasted like chicken. Sent it back. Obviously didn't pay for lunch. But now my stomach is killing me. Yeah, I know its all in my head, but I can't get this taste out of my mouth and i keep reliving eating it and how incredibly gross it was. AND I didn't get anything really to eat for lunch. SB won't be here to pick me up for another three and a half hours. Not my day.|