I officially hate my body.
I spent months feeling depressed, fat, and exhausted so when I was finally diagnosed with hypothyroidism, I was almost relieved. Finally an answer. That was last May. I have been on some form of Levo/synthyroid since. Started at the 75 level, then to 88, now at 100. Nothing has helped. I've heard that it can take up to a year to get your levels back to normal, but this is driving me insane.
The cycle, blood work, week or two later I go see the doctor, where he sits and stares at the results because they don't make sense (t4 low, tsh normal), then he says, "let's try this level". 6 weeks later I show up for blood work and we do it all again.
I last had my blood drawn on the 18th, I called yesterday, my results are there but they haven't been read yet. That's comforting.
This last week has been hell. I feel drunk. Or brain fogged. Its an exhaustion that is really hard to explain. My brain is not sharp. I forget what I'm talking about, I forget common words. I fall asleep when I go to the bathroom at work. I came home yesterday at 5, legs shaking, immediately fell asleep, napped for nearly two hours. Fell back asleep at 11, woke up at 7:30, still exhausted. This is fatigue that no amount of sleep or rest can help. Total of nearly 10 hours of sleep yesterday and I still am too tired to focus on my eyes on this computer screen. I've been called lazy. I don't help out as much around the house. I don't show desire as much at work or with Packers stuff. I put on my game face, I "preform" in meetings. And then I lay back down and wish the world would go away.
My head hurts. My arms hurt. I see spots. my nails keep breaking.
I finally have a grasp on the weight, stopped needing bigger sized clothes nearly every month. But it doesn't go down. It won't go down. I've heard stories of people paying top dollar for my thyroid medicine, its "the diet miracle" drug. but still nothing yet.
my heart is racing. I feel like its pounding, like I'm always short of breathe.
This is the first time in the history of my life that I have been excited for the Packers bye week. I get a chance to simply sleep through the weekend. I know SB will want to do things. And Mimi Carmella is in town, but all I want to do is sleep, sleep every day, every hour, I don't care. This is such a foreign feeling for me. I hate not feeling like myself. I feeling like I could stumble and fall over nearly every time I walk anywhere.
And I'm sitting here, waiting for the doctor to call me back so we can continue the dance of trying to find me the right medicine.
is it nap time yet?